I Don't Like Being a RN

I have completed 5 weeks of my 12 week RN orientation and I can honestly say, I don't like being a nurse, at least not yet. My previous career was mentally stressful but as a hospital RN I am both mentally and physically exhausted at the end of my shift. I feel completely inadequate and dumb and second guess myself every single time. I was a strong student in my clinical rotations but that experience did not fully prepare for being a RN on a nursing unit. Even my experience as a unit clerk, while extremely helpful, did not prepare me adequately for working on a unit in a RN role. Nurses I have spoken to have said that at some point (anywhere between 6 months to a year) I should feel more comfortable and confident but nursing is not the bed of roses that people may think it is. There is a steep learning curve and a lot of "politics" behind the scene that is every bit as much a part of nursing as patient care is. Nurses work hard for their money and don't always get the respect or acknowledgement they deserve.

First off let me say that I enjoy patient care. Sure there are things that I don't particularly care for (wound care and over-bearing family members to name a few) but for the most part I seem to be comfortable dealing with patients as long as I know what the hell I am doing and many seem to be forgiving about the fact that I am still a new RN. I like my patients to feel comfortable and do what I can to make their hospital stay less dreadful, when practical. Despite the long and exhausting hours, I love only working/training just three days a week (which will be two days once I am on my own) and having days off during the week is truly the bomb! Even though my hourly salary is lower than other hospitals it is doubled the amount I was making as a clerk and about a third more than my previous career, not to mention my commute is tolerable. My issue is having so much to do in so little time, high liability and the fact that I feel constantly rushed even though I am still not comfortable with things (my preceptor is very efficient which is great but her focus seems to be more about getting out on time than me understanding $%#&). Working at a constantly fast past doesn't always allow me to process information properly. Documentation, while necessary, is still a @#$%& and takes away from actual patient care.The team work between ancillary staff, nurses, and even providers is occasionally lacking, which is frustrating when I need to get things done. Not sure if that is unit specific or if this is a theme in many nursing units or if all hospitals have this in some capacity but it's annoying to deal with "drama" when I am more than willing to be a team player and others not so much. All of this and I don't even have a full patient load yet! Now I see why some new grads end up having anxiety, depression, or burnout early in the game or why turnover rate tends to be high. For those new grads who work the overnight shifts, this issue is probably exacerbated with having to adjust their body to a different schedule in addition to everything else. 

My hopes were to post about this wonderful orientation experience I was having and how grateful I am for changing careers but alas that is not the case. Hopefully as my comfort level increases and my time management improves I can have more positive things to say. As far as me leaving nursing? Not gonna happen. I will be a RN in some capacity until I retire which won't be for another 25-27 years. No more career changing for me! The good news is nursing is so broad that even if I find that after a year or two I simply can't get with the whole med-surg/bedside nursing I can take my experience and go elsewhere if need be.