I Don't Like Being a RN

I have completed 5 weeks of my 12 week RN orientation and I can honestly say, I don't like being a nurse, at least not yet. My previous career was mentally stressful but as a hospital RN I am both mentally and physically exhausted at the end of my shift. I feel completely inadequate and dumb and second guess myself every single time. I was a strong student in my clinical rotations but that experience did not fully prepare for being a RN on a nursing unit. Even my experience as a unit clerk, while extremely helpful, did not prepare me adequately for working on a unit in a RN role. Nurses I have spoken to have said that at some point (anywhere between 6 months to a year) I should feel more comfortable and confident but nursing is not the bed of roses that people may think it is. There is a steep learning curve and a lot of "politics" behind the scene that is every bit as much a part of nursing as patient care is. Nurses work hard for their money and don't always get the respect or acknowledgement they deserve.

First off let me say that I enjoy patient care. Sure there are things that I don't particularly care for (wound care and over-bearing family members to name a few) but for the most part I seem to be comfortable dealing with patients as long as I know what the hell I am doing and many seem to be forgiving about the fact that I am still a new RN. I like my patients to feel comfortable and do what I can to make their hospital stay less dreadful, when practical. Despite the long and exhausting hours, I love only working/training just three days a week (which will be two days once I am on my own) and having days off during the week is truly the bomb! Even though my hourly salary is lower than other hospitals it is doubled the amount I was making as a clerk and about a third more than my previous career, not to mention my commute is tolerable. My issue is having so much to do in so little time, high liability and the fact that I feel constantly rushed even though I am still not comfortable with things (my preceptor is very efficient which is great but her focus seems to be more about getting out on time than me understanding $%#&). Working at a constantly fast past doesn't always allow me to process information properly. Documentation, while necessary, is still a @#$%& and takes away from actual patient care.The team work between ancillary staff, nurses, and even providers is occasionally lacking, which is frustrating when I need to get things done. Not sure if that is unit specific or if this is a theme in many nursing units or if all hospitals have this in some capacity but it's annoying to deal with "drama" when I am more than willing to be a team player and others not so much. All of this and I don't even have a full patient load yet! Now I see why some new grads end up having anxiety, depression, or burnout early in the game or why turnover rate tends to be high. For those new grads who work the overnight shifts, this issue is probably exacerbated with having to adjust their body to a different schedule in addition to everything else. 

My hopes were to post about this wonderful orientation experience I was having and how grateful I am for changing careers but alas that is not the case. Hopefully as my comfort level increases and my time management improves I can have more positive things to say. As far as me leaving nursing? Not gonna happen. I will be a RN in some capacity until I retire which won't be for another 25-27 years. No more career changing for me! The good news is nursing is so broad that even if I find that after a year or two I simply can't get with the whole med-surg/bedside nursing I can take my experience and go elsewhere if need be.

My First RN Job!

After 4 different interviews at 3 different facilities, I was finally offered an RN position at my current hospital! It isn't critical care and it's part-time but I still think it's a great start, especially since it is day shift which makes my life and trying to figure out scheduling issues with hubby so much easier, although it is never "easy" when you are a working mother with school-aged children. I am also happy it is at my current hospital, despite mixed feedback from a few of my colleagues; the fact of the matter is that I am willing to take a lesser salary and "prestige" for easier commute and a better transition. I guess that is the difference between me now (late 30s) versus me then (20 something): me now can't deal with extra long commutes, not even for money. The position also has potential for full-time in the future and even if it doesn't, I suspect that there will be adequate opportunity to do OT to make full-time hours. Honestly the only real issue I have right now is the fact that I don't know when I start orientation. First I was told next month but then I was told it may be January, which is next year! All of this, and I am an internal candidate (I can only imagine the drama and confusion I'd have to deal with if I was an external candidate)! I have to remind myself that I am really blessed to even have a job offer at this point regardless of my actual start date but I can get impatient so I forget sometimes.

New RN in the House!

It's official: I am a Licensed Registered Professional Nurse! I have studied for weeks and not only did I pass my NCLEX exam on the first try but I did it in the minimum 75 questions which really shocked the hell out of me because I just knew I failed miserably! In any event, my spirit has been renewed and now more than ever I am determined to mold my new nursing career in a manner that I see fit, even if initially I have to work in an area or with a schedule that I am not happy with. I am sure that I was born for this, albeit later in life and now it's time for me to get back down to business and start applying for those JOBS! Sure I don't actually have my physical license yet (I have literally been a nurse for like 2 days as of this writing) but I I have proof that I am legit and that is certainly enough to get things started. To think almost 6 years ago this nursing thing was just a fleeting thought that I thought would pass and now here I am Miss RN, BSN. Go me!

Already Getting Frustrated

I know I only graduated last month but...can I be a nurse already? I actually went on my very first interview today for a RN position and although the interview seemed OK, the fact that I do not have a license, or even a scheduled exam date automatically knocks me out of the running. To make matters worse, I applied to at least 100 different RN positions at various locations (including my current hospital) at the advisement of one of my professors, only to be to be told by the few organizations that even acknowledged my resume to call back when I get my license. Uhhh!! I hate having to do this "process" all over again...I just want to skip the whole newbie foolishness and go straight to being a boss-ass nurse! I don't need to be humbled (been there, done that) I just need a J.O.B. in the occupation that I quit my previous job and went to school for. Is that too much to ask? OK my venting is over for now...

It's NCLEX Time!

I am officially a nursing school graduate! It's been one hell of a ride, but there are more challenges up ahead: NCLEX and getting that first RN job! I already know that once I receive my ATT, I am going to probably take the exam late September or early October because scheduling any later would mean procrastination and complacency. Many, if not most, of the jobs I am applying for also require me to already have the license to even be considered for an interview. Where do I want to work? Near home of course since the thought of sitting an hour plus in NYC travel makes me want to bang my head on a wall but that is limiting and I need to cast a w ide enough net so I have decided  to expand my search to all of the 5 boroughs (still on the fence about Staten Island), as well as Nassau and Suffolk County Long Island (not deep Suffolk though). I have also recently included nights into my search. Yeah I said it, I am willing to work nights since I realize that looking for day only positions as a "wet behind the ears" new grad is nigh impossible. Besides roughly 70% or more of available RN positions are indeed at night or seem to be. It would be difficult for me especially with hubby's weird and sometimes unpredictable schedule but like everything else thus far, I can make things work for my family, with some flexibility of course and nursing seems like it may be flexible enough. I have never worked nights before, ever, so if I do acquire a night position, I am pretty sure I will be in for a culture shock, at least initially. What areas am I looking to work in? I am open to almost anything (again I am a new grad so I probably have to be) but my "dream" position, if there were such a thing, would probably be in critical care. Why critical care? Well it's completely bad-ass for one. Secondly I think I would actually like the challenge despite how difficult and scary it might be. Unfortunately fresh green RN grads are completely clueless and sorely inexperienced to work in critical care without entry into some sort of critical care residency program. Right now I have my eyes on Northwell Health but it might be a long shot since every other RN or RN wannabe with their mama has their eyes on Northwell Health. I have to at least try though, right? Now let me go and attempt to study something NCLEX-related at some point today.